Pets, People, and Practices: Rethinking Bereavement Policies for a Diverse Workplace

By: Destyn Land

One of the most important aspects of my culture is the way we view family. While the term “immediate family” typically includes only parents, children, and siblings, my close family extends beyond these traditional boundaries. For many of us, cousins are like siblings, aunts and uncles are like second sets of parents, and our family doesn’t always fit neatly into biological relationships. This fluid concept of family is vital to understanding the importance of diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) policies in the workplace.

If we look closely enough and put on a different lens, we often will discover gaps between policy and practice. Despite organizations having policies that promote diversity, equity, and inclusion, it’s essential to assess their effectiveness in practice. For instance, even if a company has a policy on using inclusive language, it doesn’t necessarily guarantee the eradication of discriminatory language in the workplace. To create a supportive and safe work environment where all employees feel valued, the voices and experiences of marginalized individuals should be genuinely listened to and taken seriously. Action is necessary when employees from marginalized communities share how they’ve been harmed to strengthen the company’s commitment to DEI.

One area where DEI policies often fall short is in bereavement policies. The average bereavement policy gives a certain number of days off for the death of parents, siblings, children, grandparents, grandchild, extended family members, and close friends. However, there are potential gaps in this policy.

Broadening our understanding of family is the first step.

• For many of us, family is not limited to biological relationships. There are many people within the LGBT+ community whose biological family has caused them harm, and now they no longer keep in touch with some of them. They still may have what is often referred to as “chosen family,” individuals who are as close to them as any biological family member. When a bereavement policy defines who an employee’s “close family” is, it erases the fluidity of family that exists for many people. Chosen family members are just as much family as biological family members, and a bereavement policy should reflect that. Additionally, some pet owners consider their pets as family members, and bereavement policies should include them too.

• Have you thought about whether your bereavement policy includes pets? As someone who didn’t grow up with pets, I didn’t initially appreciate how significant losing a pet could be for some people who consider them family members. However, my perspective shifted after my close friend’s dog of 16 years passed away. Listening to their stories, I realized that the dog had been a source of emotional support throughout tough times. Unfortunately, their employer didn’t allow bereavement to leave for pets, which had a negative impact on both their mental health and job performance. It’s essential to recognize that pets can hold a significant place in employees’ lives and to offer appropriate support during times of mourning.

Another vital aspect of bereavement policies is recognizing that mourning practices look different across cultures.

• When someone dies, the grieving process can vary greatly across cultures. For some individualistic societies, mourning is prepping for a service or memorial of some kind, and then after the service life resumes as normal. However, for some cultures, mourning can extend far beyond this. For example, when my partner’s family member passed away, in their culture every family member spends time at the eldest member of the family’s home from the day of death, until the day of the funeral. My partner and her family spent the night there close to every night, sitting together, sharing memories, cooking food, and grieving as a community. While there is no one-size-fits-all solution for dealing with loss, bereavement policies need to respect the fact that different cultures have diverse customs, rituals, and practices surrounding death.

You may be questioning, is this too open-ended, and too easy for people to misuse or abuse? Despite the seeming disadvantage associated with such policies, it’s essential to consider cultural nuances where personal needs differ from one another. The goal of equity is not fairness, but rather it’s about having what every person needs.

While there is always room for someone to game the system, constant lies about the death of a family member or friend to get time off point to a much deeper issue with the company culture that needs addressing. Instead, writing the policy in a way that accommodates some level of nuance while still setting guidelines is the way to go. For instance, the policy could include a guideline indicating the number of days available for bereavement leave. The policy can also acknowledge that people process grief differently and that cultural backgrounds play a role in how people react to grief. The policy may state, “We recognize that grief impacts people differently, and different cultures have different norms for grieving. If, for any reason, an employee needs extended bereavement leave beyond the given number of days, they can contact Human Resources or their direct supervisor.”

The goal should be flexibility rather than rigidity. The work of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion demands us to think and act beyond our comfort zones in specific situations, making it crucial to keep questioning and brainstorming new solutions. Being risk-averse is okay, but it’s equally important to embrace possibilities for making workplaces more supportive for everyone.

While there may be many concerns about bereavement policies, ensuring employees can grieve and come back to work ready to be productive is essential for a company’s health and longevity. Writing policies in ways that accommodate nuances while reinforcing guidelines is a right step in the goal of creating a workplace where everyone has what they need to thrive.

In last month’s article (read it here), I provided an illustration about a dinner party hosted by a person that did not consider who their party guests were, and what they may need to fully enjoy the evening. Some of the guests were gluten free, vegan, or needed halal options, yet there were no alternatives to the menu. It didn’t just stop there — the chairs did not fit all body types, the building was not accessible, some guests were using non-inclusive language, and overall, the party wasn’t the best experience for certain groups of people. If we were to take a close look at this party, we would see that the party was only a great experience for the people that had the most similar experiences and identities as the host. When we’re planning, designing or building something, it’s easy to assume that if something is good for ourselves, then it’s good for everyone.

If we’re not careful we can create a workplace culture that only gives space for people who are the most like us to thrive.

One way that we can combat creating this kind of work culture is by Broadening the Definition of Diversity.

Diversity is the fact that we are all different and bring different things to the table. It is the acknowledgement that our workplace is full of people from different racial backgrounds, ethnic groups, religions, genders, interests, and much more.  Expanding our understanding of diversity means looking at people more holistically and looking beyond the pieces of someone that (we believe) is visible. Our identity is not just our race, and age but it is also:

• Ethnicity
• Socio-Economic Status
• Gender
• Sexual Orientation
• Religious or Spiritual Affiliation
• Language
• Body Type
• Education

And so much more! All these identities influence the way that we move through the world, and the privileges that we may have been given or denied. You may be asking yourself the question, “What do these identities have to do with the workplace?” Just about everything.

To ignore or dismiss any piece of a person’s identity is to ignore and dismiss them.

Currently around the world, millions of Muslim people are fasting from food and water from dusk to dawn for Ramadan. As you may imagine, fasting impacts everyone very differently, and while some people may feel more energized overall during Ramadan, some may feel their energy or mood shift while their body is adjusting to fasting. As a colleague or supervisor, the best thing you can do is to educate yourself, be aware, and be ready to make adjustments (if they’re needed). In many cultures, and in many workplaces, a lot of our community building and connection time revolves around food. Whether it’s a team lunch, company potluck, or after work happy hour, we have seen the evidence of how food brings people together. During the month of Ramadan instead of hosting a team lunch or potluck, consider having an optional team community building time outside of the lunch hour so that people fasting can participate without continuously being asked, “Why aren’t you eating?” You could even take it a step further and host Iftar (the main meal during fasting at sundown) for your team. Learning about identities that are different from our own equips us to better understand, serve, and support our colleagues and team.

We must keep in mind that people are not a museum, meaning, we don’t want diversity just because it ‘looks good.’ We need diversity to challenge our ideas, to help us think bigger and more creatively. We need it to make the world and workforce better. However, diversity should always move us to act. Because we have different experiences and different needs, we must do things differently. A good first step is to ask yourself which one of your identities (you can look at the list above) do you think about the most, and which one do you think about the least? Often the social identity that we think of the least is the one that we tend to not consider as much when talking about diversity; therefore, it’s likely an identity that we need to push ourselves to learn more about.

Some of our identities come with unearned privilege, or the denial of privilege.

Here’s an example:

I have been a part of the Christian faith for most of my life, and that comes with a lot of privilege in America. Here’s a few of them:

• I have rarely had to take off work to observe any of my religious holidays or celebrations (Christmas, Good Friday, Easter, etc.).
  • In addition to this, I am not pressured to celebrate holidays from another faith.
• I can usually assume that most people are familiar with the core tenants of my religion.
• I often see people of my religion, or my religion positively referenced in many forms of media.
• I can practice my religion without being questioned or mocked.
• My religion is taught or offered as a course by most colleges and universities.

The privileges that I’ve mentioned here are not one’s that people who practice Islam, Hinduism, Judaism, Sikhism, or Shamanism can say that they receive. Because of the domination of Christianity, we assume that religion is a weekend, or Sunday morning practice, when for many people (even within the Christian faith), religion is a daily way of experiencing and looking at the world.  Because religion is a part of someone that isn’t always visible to others, we make the mistake of not considering it when building our Diversity, Equity and Inclusion expectations, policies, and procedures.

As we continue to ask the question ‘Who’s Sitting at Your table?’ We must remember that we all are continuously rotating between teaching and learning positions in life. When we have identities that are of the dominant or majority culture, as we broaden our definition of diversity, we must find ourselves spending more time as the learner, and not the teacher. When we see diversity from a more expansive lens, we will take the path of becoming more equitable and inclusive in the workplace and beyond.