Have you ever had a friend or coworker who was going through a difficult time? Maybe they had a life or work situation going awry, or maybe they just felt down, and could not really pinpoint why.
And, you wanted to help.
One of our first (and, not necessarily wrong) impulses is to spoil that person. You bring them a gift or some flowers or their favorite take out. Or you eat a quart of ice cream together. You look for a way to indulge them. You focus on them. You assist them in what I call “turtling up.”
Do not mistake me: I am a fan of “turtling up.” There are times when I feel the need to withdraw from socializing. When I feel overwhelmed, I find a weekend, and I turn down social engagements. I spend the weekend just hanging out at my house. I do not have to be anywhere at any specific time, wearing a specific type of clothing with a specific food to share or gift to buy. Having a whole weekend without any “shoulds” is very freeing. As an introvert, I find that sort of downtime to be re-invigorating.
However, if I were to do it every weekend, turtling up would not be a healthy choice for me. If you know someone who seems to be a perpetual turtle because of the stress in their life, consider helping them be a butterfly of kindness. Instead of indulging them with their favorite things, help them spread kindness and generosity to others. It’s the butterfly effect of kindness.
The mental health benefits of doing simple acts of kindness are well-researched. The American Psychiatric Association website has more detailed information if you would like to learn more, but, basically, we feel better when we help others. (This may be why we choose to indulge our friends who are feeling down, because it makes us feel better!). However, when you help someone focus on others, they:
- Quit thinking about their own worries – even for a short time
- Build their self-esteem
- Decrease cortisol (stress hormone) and increase oxytocin (joy hormone)
- Connect to you and others
- Feel a sense of purpose and accomplishment
Thanksgiving, the season of gratitude, provides many additional opportunities to help others. So, do the investigating on behalf of your person, and find some ways to give kindness that they will find appealing and easy to do. Then, instead of a coffee or dessert meet-up, schedule a time to volunteer together.
Here are some of my local favorites, but you probably already have your own too:
Feed My Starving Children – Schedule one night to pack food that gets sent around the world.
Hope 4Youth – Shop for and drop off needed donation items for homeless youth or cook a meal.
My Very Own Bed – Make blankets or deliver new beds that go to children who need one.
PinkySwear – Write a letter of encouragement to a child with cancer.
Another strategy is to volunteer as a group of coworkers or friends since it does not single out the person you would like to assist in being a butterfly of kindness. Considering using this website HandsOn Twin Cities, to find an option that works for a group of people to help others, have fun, reduce stress, and build connections.
When someone is feeling blue, helping them to spread kindness has triple the benefit:
- You feel good helping the person in your life
- They feel good showing kindness to others
- The person(s) who receives your kindness feels love.
Go forth during this season of gratitude and use the power of the kindness butterfly—you might not miss turtling at all.
